Well, I feel like I made it through the holidays intact. I distracted myself with dinners and visits and keeping busy. I have been off work since December 17th, that’s 13 days so far. Where did the time go?
I spent the first 6 days cleaning my house, visiting friends and preparing for our Christmas Eve dinner. I had an old high school friend join me on the 23rd and stay until the 29th. It was a great distraction. I had 12 people to dinner on Christmas Eve and it was a lot of preparation and I think all had a good time. I didn’t last the night. I went to bed and left the next generation to clean up. God love them for picking up where I dropped out!
Christmas Day I was able to watch my 2-year-old granddaughter have the first Christmas that she understood. She was a joy to watch: the pure joy and pleasure at the receiving of gifts and even at the giving of gifts. She is such a doll. She is the only one who can bring a true smile to my face.
I spent a couple of days visiting with old friends and then a couple of days with just my high school buddy. We talked and talked. It was good. I am trying to figure out who I am now. Old friends help me to remember who I was in the past which I think will help with the future.
I thought of Dave and of T all the time as always and I missed their presence, but I managed to avoid a big melt down or a big slide into depression.
I read many widow blogs, looking for “companionship” with my grief. I feel very alone with my grief these days. I am so grateful for the widow community and the sharing and honesty that are out there.
The Christmas season really makes me miss my first husband, T. We started a family together and developed our own traditions over the Christmas season. We spent 21 Christmases together. It is still, after 6.5 years, quite hard for my children and I to have a truly good time at Christmas. December also holds our wedding anniversary on the 17th (it would have been our 27th) and T’s birthday on the 27th (he would have been 58).
So, it’s all over now and I made it through in the best way that I could. Now, I head towards our wedding anniversary, and the first anniversary of Dave’s death. It was an exceptionally tough January and February last year. No anniversaries could ever be that bad. So I figure I will live through it!
Thank goodness the light is returning, ever so slightly every day, in this part of the world.
Yes, thank goodness that the light is returning. I don't notice it so much down here, but remember so well how long the nights seemed back at my farm - especially during hard times when I longed to see daylight and better weather.
ReplyDeleteI hope that 2011 will prove to be a better year for you. Perhaps it will mark a turning point for many of us.