I miss you so much. I just went to a Stampede Breakfast in my neighbourhood. (http://cs.calgarystampede.com/blog/) I met Barb there and then found some of my student’s and their parents to hang out with when she left. It was nice to be out and socializing. I sure missed you though. You were the social one who was so at ease in gatherings of people. You were so good at striking up conversations, engaging people and making us all laugh. You had such a great spirit. I loved being your sidekick. It was so easy for me to be along with you. It is such work for me to be social and talk to people I don’t know. Maybe I can apply a “watch and learn” attitude and apply what I saw you do all the time. However, I don’t think I was taking mental notes. What was it that you talked about with strangers, acquaintances and friends? It was so easy and natural for you.
They had helium filled balloons at the pancake breakfast and I had the desire to take one and release it up to you. It wouldn’t have made it to the stars, but it would have been a symbol, a metaphor. I would have enjoyed releasing it and watching it rise out of sight (to you).
As a left the breakfast, I could see you in my mind’s eye. You had a drink in hand and were talking away in a social setting and I missed you so much then. Being out in the world without you is so lonely, so uncomfortable. I miss you so much. I am crying as I write this.
I am not at all looking forward to life without you. I am so disappointed that we will not be together through the days, weeks, months and years. This is so hard and I really don’t want to do it. The f word is such an appropriate word right now. It totally conveys how I feel about it all. F%$#!!!!
I just found your blog (after you commented on my post at Widow's Voice ... thank you).
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry.
There are no words.
I cannot imagine doing this again.
You are in my prayers.
Hello. I've met you through Dan's blog and just found that you're keeping a blog too. I think that's a good idea. When Don died, I stopped posting on my old nature blog, and started a new one to write about life carrying on alone. Yesterday, I was reading some of the early posts from almost 2 years ago. Seeing those posts helped me to realize how much has changed in two years - not that things are all sweetness and joy, because they aren't, but I'm just handling life a lot better, especially for about the past while. Anyhow, I'm very sorry that you are going through all of this for a second time. Once is unfair enough, twice is just.. well.. too much. Take care, bev (from Journey to the Center)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. I have found such solace in the widow blogs that I have found. There is real comfort in finding others who know the pain of losing a spouse. It has been beautiful to witness the care and words of comfort that are extended to our fellow widows/ers. Your blogs have been like a life preserver thrown out after a ship wreck. Thank you for sharing your journey.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I could live through this again. I don't know how you are doing it.
ReplyDelete