Lingerie

Well, not long after Dave died, (there’s a word I couldn’t use at first, instead I used the word, passing), his family wanted me out of his house, so I tearfully packed up my stuff and took it home to where my son, his girlfriend and their beautiful daughter were.
At home, I unpacked my boxes and bags of stuff (why is there always so much of it?) I began to unpack the box of clothing from the dresser. And there was the lingerie I would wear for Dave. It stopped me dead in my tracks. What should I do with it now? Should I unpack it? Should I throw it away? Should I bury it with his ashes? LOL
I find it amazing how many little things like this stop me dead in my tracks, bringing a flash of gut wrenching pain. Like certain songs on the radio, certain places I drive by, certain pictures, the sight of his asthma meds, a certain CD. My heart stops for a minute. I am suddenly frozen, finding it hard to breath and feeling pain. Often the tears begin. Sometimes decisions need to be made. Sometimes memories flood in. Sometimes sadness descends.
So, the lingerie is in the bottom of a drawer – I couldn’t do anything with it but put it next to his T-shirts and boxers that I now keep to wear to bed. No lingerie for me. Just the comfort of his T-shirts. I miss him. I miss loving him and I miss dressing for him.